and now what?

i am terrified to commit to NaNoWriMo. that is my ultimate truth right now, Uncle E.

we are like (less than) a week out from the start of the ultimate writers’ big-ass-deal thing. i want to do it. i have been talking about doing it for years. i wish i did it last year when i didn’t have a job (at least at the beginning of the month) why-the-fuck-didn’t-i-do-it-last-year???

i have a story i want to pick back up. rule #1 broken: you’re supposed to be starting something new. rule #2 about to be broken: you’re supposed to write 50,000 words in 1 month. i mean, couldn’t they pick a month like January when fuck-nothing is going on? there is football (well, actually not for me after Sunday ugh.), Thanksgiving and a crapload of festivals and social engagements . . .

i’ve been thinking can i do 25,000 words instead of 50,000? i’ve been thinking i can i do that and have time for blog posts? i’ve been wondering which writing project will make me feel better. and whether i can do both at once.

ugh . . . so spending a lot of time thinking and praying (as i do in my own way) this week about what to do. i’m leaning toward slacking . . . as is my nature. but is it slacking if i keep posting here past Blogtober14? and making some smaller goal for working on my “book”? so many questions . . . y’all have any answers?