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  • Writer's pictureKristin Woodward

the cleanse: fin!


fist-in-air moment, indeed. 5 days, y’all. it’s not that impressive, but it’s all i can take. and thank god, i think it’s all i need. just for good measure, though, i actually did a salt water flush (i know, super-gross, right?) this morning and took one last dose of my herbs. plus, i have an hour and a half massage scheduled for later. whatever isn’t out of my system after all that can suck it.

after crossing the Kilamanjaro-sized hump that was Wednesday, the past few days have been totally normal. like better than normal. in other words, i pretty much feel fantastic. i actually woke up this morning at 6:00 sans alarm — electronic or human (damn, if Miss Girl isn’t still asleep here at 8:30 for the first time in forever). no headache. no body aches. my wanting to bury my face back in the pillow and sleep 2 more hours was mainly on principal, rather than desperately physically necessary like it’s been for pretty much the past month. it’s all kind of amazing, actually. plus, i lost 4 pounds of bloat.

so why stop early? now that i’m past the hard part, i probably should push on through for at least 10 days, right? eff that. the thought of it all basically bores the living hell out of me. extreme case, but it’s like when i did the Master Cleanse a few years ago. i didn’t feel crappy or hungry or anything, i was just so. damn. bored. and btw, nothing crazy seemed to be happening to or coming out of my body on that one by the 10th day, so why bother with the torture of boredom?

5 days has been enough to get my abysmal-of-late eating and exercise habits back on track and clear up some general physical blahs i was feeling. and just because i’m stopping doesn’t mean i’m headed out to the bar for a booze and pub grub bender . . . though there will certainly be some wine this evening. what it does mean is that i will now go back to eating and drinking like a sane adult instead of acting like some ridiculous combination of Hemingway and Louis XIV. i now have the mental clarity and strength to do it. that sure as hell is an improvement and as far as i’m concerned, it sure as hell is enough.

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