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  • Writer's pictureKristin Woodward

Writing 101: dear Lottery Gods . . .


dear Lottery Gods,

we need to talk. i’m the truest of the true believers. a faithful participant in your rituals. a regular proselytizer, spreading your gospel. winning my fortune $1 at a time is just. not. cutting it. i want to know what more i need to do to receive the joy of your bounty.

i sure as hell know you can’t win if you don’t play. and every week, i buy my 5 tickets (sometimes twice.). i think the new numbers i’ve picked — family birthdays and anniversaries — are good numbers. they really reflect what’s important to me — the same things and people i want to preserve and protect with your blessings.  sometimes, i just leave it to chance with a quick pick. i leave it in your hands. most times, i recite a quick prayer, reminding you and myself that i will use the winnings for good. then i fantasize about quitting my job, wearing yoga pants all the time while never actually doing yoga, starting some as-yet-undetermined foundation that helps girls/women/the illiterate, then writing a book about it all, or about something completely different and totally fictional. because i have the time to do that.

yet, week after week, i see no reward for my faithfulness. $1 here. $2 there. surely, this must be leading to something bigger. surely, you must have a plan for me. and i can be patient — to a point. i mean, there isn’t a Lottery Afterlife. i’m very clear on the fact that the rewards of the faithful of this religion are reaped in this lifetime. so i have to ask when is my time?

obviously, this is not a need-based situation. i mean, rich guys never win, right?</sarcasm>

and obviously, other people have done a lot of stupid shit after they win.

and i definitely won’t be a colossal fuck-up like these people.

i couldn’t possibly be any less deserving of your miracles than those guys, right? and i swear, i really will do some good, helpful, charitable deeds with some of my jackpot. i’m guessing none of those guys  actually showed you a plan before you bestowed a windfall on them, did they?

so what gives, Lottery Gods?

there’s a drawing in less than 2 hours. i have my tickets. if you need more from me, just give me a quick little sign and i’m totally on it. then once and for all, let’s do this!

xoxo your next multi-millionaire in waiting

Day 9 post for Writing 101: Today, write your post as a letter. getting caught up, y’all. (whew.) and looking forward to checking in on some of my classmates! happy Friday, everyone!

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